Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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