So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
