i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he puts the penis in happiness.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
