at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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