Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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