I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
