Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
