what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
