Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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