i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
