There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
