Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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