My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
