I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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