he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
