did you get engaged???
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
