2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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