she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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