I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
