The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
