all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
