Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
