I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
