i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
