just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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