Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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