Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
