I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
