YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
