We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
