atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
