break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Duck Duck Cougar?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
