Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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