he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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