Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
