just tell him i said nine months
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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