I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
