just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
