he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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