guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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