3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
