Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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