There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
did you just send me my own nude
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
