I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
