what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
