I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
