You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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