I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
