so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
They are going to name an STD after you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
