Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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