Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
